RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
