Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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