HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
