Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
