Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
