I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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