When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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