You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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