Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
