I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
why is half of my head shaved?
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