Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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