I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
