Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
