if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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