She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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