it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
