I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize