um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
