Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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