the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
