he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Pooping to opera.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
