bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
