you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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