First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
