I'm going to jail i love you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
