So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
