note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
