So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize