I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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