oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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