so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
