I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
