I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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