the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
pop tarts are not kleenex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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