forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish i was in the wii world.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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