Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
