I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
