just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
