I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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