I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
