This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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