it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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