ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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