It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
