I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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