Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
