He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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