my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
