the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
