Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
