So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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