He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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