I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You are a genius and a whore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
