You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
