no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
