he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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