She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
