everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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