he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
