I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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