Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
