He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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