i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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