why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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