forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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