i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
