If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We are two peas in an std pod
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
