Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
