We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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