they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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