waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
