I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Non-Jews are for practice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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