What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
