He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
