If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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