im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
North Korea, Best Korea!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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