I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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