after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize