WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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