So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
