I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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