I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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