Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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