my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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